If you’ve been reading a long, you know by now that 2019 will be my last year doing the quantity of cookies I’ve been doing. Over the years, the project has morphed into something bigger and better each year. I’ve been doing about 100 – 125 boxes a year. That’s a lot of freaking cookies. This year, that’s meant 45 LBs of butter, 12 dozen eggs, 50 LBs of flour. Again, that’s a lot of cookies. And I love it, I really do. Haven’t regretted a moment of it, but I think I’m finally good now. I’m ready to scale down, seriously.
If you remember, last year was the phoenix box: fire and air elements represented in a molten spark, igniting change for the better. Beauty rising from the ashes. It was very representative of my life at the time. I’d just “burnt down” everything I’d taken for granted and everything I’d come to know so that I could re-make my life and myself into something new.
This year, my boxes are teal and copper. Water and earth. The two most tangible elements. In my boxes this year, you will find this represented: the teal swirls that I tried to form into the likeness of a wave’s curl, the earthly, soft gingerbread with copper glitter, the marbled, cool green and blur swirls of icing on the vanilla sugar cookies.
If you search for information on the color psychology of teal and copper, you’ll find some really interesting stuff.
So what does all that have to do with ANYTHING?
This year has been about me trying to find balance, calm. It’s been a really humbling year of growth, and perspective. Those who know me would say I have glitter coming out of me most of the time, however I’d like to think that my sparkle isn’t holographic unicorn dust, but a more warm, earthy, humble copper these days. Balance and grounding. It’s what 2019 means to me.
Self-care has played an important role in my life this year. Accepting my own limits, setting boundaries and learning how to say no on occasion. Being less of a people pleaser, and acknowledging that I am enough as I am. I don’t have to do extra to be loved and cared for—I am. I have a lot to be thankful for. So much so that I feel humbled by the embarrassment of riches and love in my life. I have really happiness and real balance for the first time in, well, ever. I am learning to forgive those who have hurt me in the past and most importantly, learning to be less hard on myself for mistakes I’ve made.
Which brings me to one last thought. Hope. At first I was going to use the word “Family” or “Strength” as the word on my cookies this year, but Hope felt more right. To have hope means you are looking forward to something. To have hope you must first have strength. You have to truly understand what the low points feel like to truly appreciate the highs life brings you. To have hope, you must we willing to finish off the ride, wherever it takes you and believe that what’s coming further down the road is an opportunity waiting to arise. It’s the unknown, but not just that; it’s the anticipation of it.
I have no idea what cookie time will look like in the future. It’s not going to be this, for sure. But I’m hopeful for the future and I know that no matter what it ends up being, it will be wonderful and from my heart. Because it’s just who I am. It’s never been about the cookies (ok, maybe a little bit), but it’s been more about giving something wonderful to all of you to enjoy. And for the first time ever, I’m not sure what that will be next year. But I’m confident it will still be from my heart and it will still be wonderful.